How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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