i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
