I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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