ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
