I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
