Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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