its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
