god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
