don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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