Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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