i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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