how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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