Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
