Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
