I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
