My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
