told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
