tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it because I queefed?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
