I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
