Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
