omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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