"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
