Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
