Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
