I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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