CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
