I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
