so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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