don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
