I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
