Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
