i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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