3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
