the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
