OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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