I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
