I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
