My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
