smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
