i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
