I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He better not be in your backpack
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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