What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
