Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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