In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
