We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This baby is an asshole
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
