we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
