So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
