you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
