You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
