Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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