90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i came on her dog
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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