just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
