I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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