i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dude. I can hear the air.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
