I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
