I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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