i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
