Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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