Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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