Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My bed smells like the plague
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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