The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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